Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
