Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
