i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
