Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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