my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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