Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
