I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
