You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
