I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
