I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
