What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
