I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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