I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
