He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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