I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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