I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
