I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize