you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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