i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
