I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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