I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
