how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
