im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
