i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
