Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
