cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
