I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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