Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
