Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
