They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize