The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
