Cold hands, warm shart.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
