is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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