my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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