fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
