If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
