That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize