Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
its not stalking. its research.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
