you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
