glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
