1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My breasts were aching with rage.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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