btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
