The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
