and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I enjoy the company of your penis
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
