these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
