I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is it penis luge time yet?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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