bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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