You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I forget how to act sober
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