I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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