He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
