Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
