No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
