really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
