He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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