I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize