dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
