she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
