I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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