he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I want to be your penis for a week.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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