Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
