Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
