Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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