Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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