I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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