I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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