yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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