I'm drive I can fine osifer
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
