I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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