Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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