I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just want nice things and good sex
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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