just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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