The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
