so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
