Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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